Check please!

After working in several restaurants, I've realized that people aren't reasonable at all. I've learned more about human behavior than a textbook could ever teach me. People like to be right, and they like for others to think they're right. People are often unrealistic and inconsiderate, because we're selfish creatures.

I try to bear that in mind as I serve customers, but sometimes it gets to me. So I thought I would do my part to inform others on basics of dining out. First of all, here are some basics that everyone should know:

1. Remember the tip. Of course, I'm a server, so this is rather important to me. But I realize that sometimes people don't think about it until the end of the meal, and then have an "oh crap" moment. Guess what? If you're dining out, there will ALWAYS be a tip. In America, at least. I'll follow this list with more tipping etiquette, so not too much right now.

2. Know that your server is not also cooking your food. In fact, sometimes I don't even see it before it hits your table. Don't get an attitude with me over your soup being cold. Chances are, you didn't read on the menu that it's a chilled soup, but even if not, I still didn't cook it. I would be happy to take it back and exchange it for a fresh, hot bowl, but if you're rude to me, I will be very tempted to spit in your food (not that I've ever actually done that.)

3. Keep in mind the business of the restaurant. If you come on Tuesday night, you can expect very hands-on service. If you come Friday night before a game, I'm probably going to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and can't sit and chat. If there's several parties going on, it's probably going to take longer to get your food. See #2 if you have a problem with that.

4. Speak clearly and precisely. If you say, "We'll take the bread pudding", I'll assume you want one to share. So don't be mad when only one comes out. If you each want one, say so. If you let your husband order for you, and he orders your steak well done, but you wanted mid-rare, don't have a mini-argument about it right there.. just order your own freaking food! It's not difficult, and we aren't in the 19th century.

5. Don't be a know-it-all. Servers know about the food (assuming you aren't talking about Ruby Tuesday, Applebee's, etc), and would be happy to tell you about it. Don't order scallops, and be mad that they're "seafood-y".. DUH?! Also, if you don't know how to pronounce something, just point. It's embarrassing how many times people have ordered "pay-ELLE-a", (paella). I will make fun of you (in my head), so just point! I realize not everyone is a foodie, or speaks multiple languages, which is why there are descriptions underneath. If you can't say the name, either point or say what it actually is.


Tipping Etiquette

1. Standard Rules: 15-18% in most restaurants, 20% fine dining. And YES, you do tip on wine, etc. If I have to present and open it for you, then I better get paid for that service.

2. This is America. We tip here. There is literally no excuse for foreigners. I don't care if you're from France, Germany, or the freaking moon. For every country I've been to, I've read the country's etiquette on tipping, social behaviors, etc, so you can do the same. Servers in America typically get paid $2.13 an hour, sometimes more, but we rarely see that money with all the taxes taken out. We depend on tips. It doesn't matter if your country doesn't do it like that and you think it's stupid; chances are, I think some things about your country are stupid too.

3. If you're on a budget, pre-meditate the tip. It's always coming. If you have a set amount to spend for the night, factor the tip into that. Don't spend your whole budget and then remember tax and tip later. It's ALWAYS coming. And I'm always making WAY below minimum wage and depending on you.

4. Don't tease your server. If you are chatty and nice, of course it makes a more enjoyable experience for me. I mean, if you're nice to me, then I will bend over backwards to make sure you enjoy your experience, but also let's be real, it's my job, and I'm working for the tip. Don't be super nice to me and then reward me with 15%.. Usually when things go really well, people go above and beyond, so I'm expecting that... then I'm really disappointed to see that all my efforts are unappreciated. From a cold, distant table, I would expect this, (although 15% is fairly low for fine dining), but not from cool people.

Anyways, these are just tips that may help some people. I think a lot of people aren't educated on these things, and until you've worked in a restaurant, you can never completely understand. It's not for everyone, but for me, it's perfect, because it's never the same thing.

xoxoxo