je suis perdu sans toi

I know that I kind of slacked on my blog over this semester. I really meant to keep it updated, and inform everyone at home of every detail of my life, but I kind of got lost living it. I have been working on writing summaries and impressions of all of the places I got to go, so I'll start posting those soon.

I've been back in Auburn for 2 1/2 weeks now, and out of Europe for almost a month. It's really weird because I still remember everything like it was yesterday, and still constantly compare things to there. For instance, it was kind of hard working again.. I mean, I got used to not working, not to mention the awful work ethic and service of the French. The fact that servers here check on you more than just taking your order and delivering food is kind of odd now. Also, a lot changes in 5 months. Sometimes it doesn't seem like it when you first see people you knew, but when you start talking you realize how much has changed, and of course a lot of it is me. It's not that I'm being snobby or anything, I just really realize now how much I've learned. More than I've ever learned in a classroom. About life, cultures, love, and friendship. I've really been missing people lately. Paolo, very much, of course, but also everyone else. I miss beach days, acting like our life was difficult because we had pebbles instead of sand. I miss our IPAG group fb chats trying to figure out where to go that night. I miss Shem always juggling, no matter where we were. I even miss telling Myroslava to stay with the group haha.

I'm fine really, I'm happy in Auburn. But now I see how simultaneously big and small the world really is, and I can't wait to explore it all!

Here's the lyrics to a song that I'm really obsessed with now that I fully grasp the meaning of it(there's an English version too, but the French version is actually much more meaningful):

Simple Plan – Jet Lag (French Version) Lyrics
(ft. Marie-Mai)

Quel heure est-il où tu es ?
Un autre avion et tu repars
Je me sens si loin si tu savais
Et j’attends ton retour encore
C’est comme si on vivait à l’envers
J’aimerais te dire qu’on pourra s’y faire
Tryin to figure out the time zones makin me crazy

You say good morning
When it’s midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
Quand je m’endors tu te réveilles
Et je compte les heures j’en perds le sommeil
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged, so jetlagged

Oh Oh

Je te cherche quand tu n’es pas là
Dans une semaine je reviendrais
Je perds mon souffle quand tu t’en vas
Je m’imagine à tes côtés
Même si j’essaie de l’ignorer
Tu es toujours là dans mes pensées
Tryin to figure out the time zones makin me crazy

You say good morning
When it’s midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
Quand je m’endors tu te réveilles
Et je compte les heures j’en perds le sommeil
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged, so jetlagged

Je suis perdu sans toi
Je t’attends encore
Je suis perdu sans toi
Mais rentre il est tard
Je suis perdu sans toi
Et je veux vivre ton aurore
Je suis perdu sans toi
Et qu’on en sorte plus fort
Je suis perdu sans toi
Turn the hour hand back to when you were holding me
You say good morning
When it’s midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
Quand je m’endors tu te réveilles
Et je compte les heures I miss when

You say good morning
When it’s midnight
Going out of my head
Alone in this bed
Quand je m’endors (je m’endors) tu te réveilles (tu te réveilles)
Et je compte les heures j’en perds le sommeil
And my heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged
Heart, heart, heart is so jetlagged, so jetlagged

time of my life

(I wrote this on the plane home)
I really can't express my feelings right now. I will miss my life here in Nice so very much. Not even things like the beach, or Europe in general, but I'll miss the fantastic people I've met.

When I came here, I didn't expect to meet so many different people from so many different places. Now I literally have friends from every continent (except Antarctica). Also, not all of them are people I would necessarily have chosen as friends at home, simply because of the vast differences. In Alabama, I'm in my comfort zone, with people that are similar to me. Here, I was thrust together with people completely opposite of me. But I can honestly say that I have found some of the best, most sincere friends I've ever had. And to think, when I came, I was nervous that I wouldn't find any friends. There were even a lot of people that I regret not getting to know any better than I did.

Four months is simply not enough time. All relationships were put on the fast track. I met "the horses" as we're apparently know, and 3 weeks later we went on a tour of Italy together. And became best friends. We were all thrown into a culture and language completely foreign to us, and had to learn to cope together. We complained to each other about all our horrible experiences with the French, braved ladies' nights at Akathor, and discovered Europe together.

I also didn't expect to find a relationship, much less really fall for someone here. In fact, I came here wanting the opposite. I wanted to be single, and enjoy my youth, and what do you know, I became half of one of the only erasmus relationships here. It may have taken a while (REALLY) to get over the cultural differences and trust each other, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I just hope that we can handle the ocean between us, but I think so.

All in all, I've had the time of my life, and I really don't know how to express it. It's something that unless you've experienced it, you can't understand. I know everyone at home will be asking me about my trip, but how do you put four months into words? I'll probably say that it was amazing, but that doesn't begin to touch it. I've laughed, I've cried, and everything in between:I don't know how to leave.

It's not that I don't miss my family, friends, and of course, my precious dog, but I guess I just know when I'll see them again. As for my Nicoise, I have no idea if and when I'll see them again. I know the people who live close to me I will, but the others, who knows? It scares me to not know and to leave this life behind. So basically, I was scared coming, and scared leaving. Not scared for my future, because I know that in a few weeks everything will be back to normal. But I feel like I'm going to look back on these months as a dream. I don't want to forget everything I've learned and experienced, or the people I've met.

So if you're reading this and you're an erasmus, I just want you to know how much I loved every second with you. I will never forget you guys, and we better have a reunion!!